I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
