operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
