I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm passing your future prison.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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