I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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