So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
