Can i not drive my cunt home
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
