his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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