Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
