She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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