I've blown a few things in my day
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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