I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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