There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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