I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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