His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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