do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
