oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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