i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
