I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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