in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
