I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
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