I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
