Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Please, let me fuck your mom
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
