..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
