I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
