Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think I died a long time ago.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
