I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
