just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
