based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
