What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
