No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
