if you like me you must not know who I am
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
