i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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