I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
