I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
