sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
