If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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