moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
