i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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