just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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