Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
