Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
