You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
