I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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