Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
