but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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