we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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