Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
