You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
