Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
