Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
