Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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