I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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