You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
