Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
