I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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