Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
