just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i already hear my dad disowning me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
