It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
