"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
